Listen Up!

PhD of psychology, Betty W. Phillips has a website titled; Do You Listen to Your Spouse? She then evaluate the person who answers this title question with a; “sometimes” or “no” to the fact that there marriage may be in trouble. In this post I want talk to you about a number of key principles regarding the listening skill and explain some major functions of listening.

In studying the skill of listening, I discovered that different situations require a specific type of listening. We may listen to obtain information, improve a relationship, gain appreciation for something, make discriminations, or engage in a critical evaluation. While certain skills are basic and necessary for all types of listening (receiving, attending, and understanding), each type requires some special skills. Those special skills present guidelines to improve listening behavior in all situations. Before we can fully appreciate the skills and apply the guidelines, we must understand the different types of listening. There are four different types, which are; are informative, relationships, appreciative, critical and discriminative listening. Informative is more for lecture or instructional listening. Appreciative listening would be normal for enjoyment such as listening to music. Critical listening requires careful judgment about the expertness and trustworthiness of the speaker. Discriminative listening is listening in order to differentiate sounds in the environment and speech sounds. Know which function of listing to use so that you may listen correctly

Relationship-listening is the listening type that most marriages implement. The purpose of relationship-listening is either to help an individual or to improve the relationship between people. Therapeutic listening is a special type of relationship listening. Therapeutic listening brings to mind situations where counselors, medical personnel, or other professionals allow a troubled person to talk through a problem. But it can also be used when you listen to a friend or spouse and allow them to “get things off their chests.” Although relationship-listening requires you to listen for information, the emphasis is on understanding the other person. According to communication experts at Air University there are three behaviors which are key to effective relationship listening; attending, supporting, and empathizing.

While studying the listening skill within marriage, I recalled some interesting information from personal experience. During the seven weeks of completing pre-marital counseling with my wife, we went over a chapter in our book titled “communication”. We were counseled with the supplementary material by H. Norman Wright & Wes Roberts “Before You Say “I Do”. In the chapter on communication, we were requested to give our own definition of listening. I forgot my spoken response, but the book defines it as “complete acceptance without judgment of what is said or how it is said” (Wright, Roberts61) They go further to explain that this is an acceptance that doesn’t necessarily mean agree but rather “understanding that what the other person is saying is something he/she feels” These authors considers the conversations of couples as “dialogues of the deaf” when they are formulating their responses while trying to listen. This is so easy to fall into.  Stop hearing and Listen Up! 

Alder, Ronald. Interplay - the process of communication. 11. New York: Oxford University Press, 2010. Print.

Betty W. Phillips Ph.D., "Do You Listen to Your Spouse?" Psychology. Web. 8 Nov. 2011. http://www.bettyphillipspsychology.com/id22.html.

Wright, H. Norman., and Wes Roberts. Before You Say "I Do" Eugene, OR: Harvest House, 1997. 61+. Print.