To express how we view marriages, relationships, and dating from a practical point of view. Also expressing how women and men view relationships from their respective gender views.
Interracial relationships and marriages
are a wonderful experience for anyone, who is compatible with someone of
another ethnicity. It reflects how society has evolved to not only accept
interracial relationships and marriages, but also accept interracial
relationships and marriages as the norm. In other words, interracial couples
happen more frequently in spite of the ethnical and cultural differences.
However, as much as interracial relationships and marriages can be worthwhile, they
can also present some challenges. It is how people handle those challenges that
will either make or break those relationships.
There are many challenges that arise
from interracial relationships and marriages, which most people know about, and
some that many have not ever really considered. In terms of interracial relationships, Blake
Campbell lists some of the problems, as well as some of the solutions of those
problems in interracial relationships. Some of the issues in the article deal
with embracing
others' cultures, family acceptance, respect for each other, handling racism,
and raising mixed race children.Campbell wants people to know that although interracial relationships
can be challenging, they can work well, if people overcome those challenges. Furthermore, interracial marriages can be just as challenging, if not more challenging than interracial relationships. Jennica Gray states that interracial marriages can have problems ranging from gender roles, family dynamics, to even eating habits. She states that couples can have challenges of how they view things because of the different cultural backgrounds. Couples can compromise on any given issue to make their relationships successful. (Here is a video on a woman dealing with an interracial relationship
(The video below describes interracial relationships).
On this week of Q&A each other, Eric ask me some questions about an article I wrote this weekEric: In your full post for this week you
shared some interesting things on the topic of interracial dating. Along with
movements to end segregation, what other major things you feel played a part with interracial dating
becoming more accepted?
Ramses: My thoughts on other major things
that contributed to interracial dating becoming more accepted is the changing
times, along with interracial dating being portrayed as more positive in the
media. Essentially, interracial relationships are not so much of a taboo today,
as it was a few decades ago. If I see an interracial couple, I all but do not
see the couple as such, but just as a couple. People make their own choices of
who they like; they base their decisions not on ethnicity, but base their decisions
on whoever they are compatible with. The main thing to understand is that
dating and relationships has no color lines, and dating and relationships are
more worthwhile when people have options of who they want to be compatible
with.
Eric: You touched on this a bit, but just
to give deeper insight, what do you feel are some of the common problems
associated with interracial dating and what are the solutions, (if any)? Is
there a way a person should prepare if their plan is to be with someone of
another ethnicity.
Ramses: Well, Eric, one of the main problems
with interracial dating and relationships is that there are some people who do
not want to accept change. Some people feel that people should ONLY
DATE within their own ethnicities.I ran across a website that listed the 7
common issues with interracial relationships.It is clear that anyone who chooses to have
an interracial relationship will have problems from their friends, their
families, and society in general. In other words, some interracial couples will
get unpleasant looks, and/or will get some snide remarks from others who are
not in favor of their relationships. The solution is that people should just
accept the change that there are more interracial relationships more now than
ever, and interracial couples should not worry about what other think of
them.Interracial couples should prepare
for some people to not accept their relationship, but know that no matter what
others say, as long as they love each other unconditionally, then it will not
matter what others say or think about them.
There
has been more acceptance of interracial dating today, than there were about
50-100 years ago. More people these days have the option of dating “outside of
their races”.Furthermore, there are
more people that are increasingly committing to interracial relationships,
interracial marriages and interracial families. In other words, interracial
relationships are the norm, rather than the exception to relationships. While
some people accept interracial dating, relationships, and marriage, there are
others who do not want to accept the change of people dating outside their own
race.
The
late, great Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. stated in his “I have a dream speech”
that his children “won’t be judged by the color of his skin, but by the content
of their character.” However, Martin Luther King’s speech expanded beyond his
children; it included mankind. In other words, Martin Luther King wanted
everyone to love, care, cherish, and accept each other, and not be judgmental
of a person’s ethnicity, creed, and sexual orientation. However, there are
people who either have not accepted interracial dating, or still haven’t
accepted it. There are many people, the so-called racists who subscribe to the
idea that one should ONLY DATE within their ethnic groups
(i.e. African-American men and women should only date each other; Latino men
should only date Latina women, and so on). Around 200 years ago to about the mid-1960s
in the U.S., the thought of miscegenation was not only unheard of, but it was
also illegal, especially targeted at the African-American free and enslaved men
who had interest in dating white women. Ironically and unfortunately, many of
the white slave owners either raped or coerced the black slave women to have sex
with them, therefore producing mulatto and illegitimate children (interesting
enough, this type of interracial breeding produced some prominent
African-American leaders such as Frederick Douglass and Booker T. Washington).
It is at this time in U.S. history where the white woman was valued as a
treasure, a commodity, and no other men of other races were allowed to even look
or compliment a white woman, much more date and marry one. However, after the
abolition of slavery, followed by many decades of turmoil (especially in the
Southern States of the U.S.) culminating with the Civil Rights Movement, some
people’s perception of interracial dating started to change. It took some
decades later before more people started to accept the notion that a man (and a
woman) can date outside of their race, without much condemnation from others.
Although
interracial dating is more accepted today, some people still feel that it is
not the norm. This can be either because they do know enough about other
ethnicities, or perhaps because some of those people’s families haven’t
accepted it, so they advise against interracial dating. I can remember growing
up, my father would advise against me and my (middle) brother from dating
outside out race, in particular a white women. My father grew up in the 1950s
and 1960s at the height of racial discrimination, and the Civil Rights
Movement. Although my father has
simmered down considerably on his original stance on condemning me from dating
a white woman (or any other non African-American woman for that matter), I
sometimes worry about what their reaction would be, if I decided to bring a
woman home to meet my family, if she wasn’t a black woman. My sisters often
told me that no matter what type of women you date or establish a relationship
with, you will never relate to a woman more than a black woman.Although that may be valid in some instances
(i.e. relating to racism, racial profiling, or having to prove our worth
because of our race), I find that you can relate to a woman, no matter what her
ethnicity is. I don’t really look at the ethnicity of a woman as a determining
factor of my interest. I look at a woman for her intellect, beauty, and
character. The last thing I would want to do is to not want to date a woman
because she is not black, and if I can accept her for who she is, then everyone
else, including my family should accept her as well. Here is a video that I
found on the subject of interracial dating:
Sex plays an important role in having intimacy. At the same time, sex isn't the foundation of a striving and healthy relationship. Let me ask a question; on a scale of 1-10, how important is sex in marriage? In this blog I want to share with you some good reasons to make sex a priority in your marriage. Many married people have minimal sexual intimacy with their spouse. Few even take it to the extreme of not having sex until ready to reproduce. Web MD shares
10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex. These benefits can be psychologically and physically profiting. One benefit I thought was interesting and funny; "sex can help people achieve weight loss since about 200 calories are burned during 30 minutes of active sex." check out this video which discuss other benifits.
Imagine What would marriage be like if sex wasn’t a sacred and enjoyment to your marriage? Divorce rates would probably increase. Dr. William H. Doherty, a noted marriage scholar and therapist shares his study on "How common is divorce and what are the reasons." in this elaborate study you can find other major reasons divorce transpire. The risk of a divorce is much higher in a marriage with sex problems. Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship. Approximately 11% caught or admitted cheating. Some reasons of these affairs stemmed from dissatisfaction during sexual experience with their spouses. It's important to understanding how sex plays a great role in your life, physically, mentally and emotionally. Sexless marriage is a common situation and it can be caused by a variety of things including emotional scars, bad experiences, boredom, laziness, or health problems. Undergo recovery and place sex back in it's rightful place.
According to statistics, sex outside marriage does people emotional, physical and financial harm to some capacity. When you think about sex, what comes to mind? If marriage refused to enter your thought patterns, i’m here to encourage a new way of thinking about and participating in sex. In this blog, I want to share with you the functional nature of sex, and good reasons why we should wait until marriage to engage.
I participated in a behavioral science research at University of Illinois at Chicago (UIC) where we measured a hormone called “oxytocin”. Oxytocin is the hormone responsible for inducing our ability to bond with others. This is relative to why sexual addictions occur. There are few things that occur during sexual intercourse. Women who were currently involved in a committed relationship experienced greater oxytocin increases in response to positive emotions than single women. This affects self-worth and esteem which have been linked to many suicide cases. Researchers examined government data obtained in surveys of 6,500 youth ages 14 to 17, and found that more than 25 percent of sexually active girls said they were depressed "a lot of the time" or "most or all of the time.”
Sex is meant for long-term relationship-satisfaction and commitment. In the Bible, 1st Corithians 6:16-18 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” Being joined in a relationship by way of soul ties can be difficult to escape even if you are being abused, manipulated or mistreated in any way. Again, oxytocin is the hormone responsible for human pair attachment. This clip below shares more about the benefits of waiting until marriage to have sex.
Not only this, but outside of marriage, accounts for many diseases, abortions and funerals. In 2005 (the most recent year for which there is reliable data), approximately 1.21 million abortions took place in the U.S., down from an estimated 1.29 million in 2002, 1.31 million in 2000 and 1.36 million in 1996. From 1973 through 2005, more than 45 million legal abortions have occurred in America. Average amount paid for each procedure was $413. At least 80% of all abortions are performed on unmarried women (CDC).
There are great benefits to having sex (the highest level of physical intimacy) in marriage (the highest level of human relationship).Understand that a relationship built on sex is more likely to end in devastation.Besides financial pains, sex before marriage are related to an increase in divorce rates. Waiting until marriage teaches us patience and self-control. Waiting helps us to see where the value of our relationship exists. Waiting also enables us to fulfill God’s purpose, nature and design for sex. After recognizing how participating in sex (outside of marriage) play a role in our life, mentally, emotionally and financially, what can we to do about it? We can continue abusing ourselves and our world or we can make up our minds and say, “today I’m going to stop.”
Both I and Eric have written some great articles in our From Relationships,
Marriages, to Divorces blogs. However, we have been so busy writing
articles for others, that we haven’t discussed what we think of each other
articles. Well, in our new weekly features, we’ll respond and ask questions to
each other, on some of the content that we posted in our blogs. One person will
ask and the other will respond, and this pattern will alternate each week.
Ramses: Eric, in your article, Listen
Up! you stated that one of the four types of listening was
relationship-listening. In addition, you indicated a sub-category, therapeutic listening,
or in your words "a special type of listening". Do you feel that this
type of listening benefits men or women more?
Eric: That is an excellent question. I think therapeutic listening
benefits both men and women equally; they both receive empathy and support,
which isn't gender-specific. Now in terms of amount of usage, I believe that
women can benefit more from therapeutic listening, so that they can understand
men better.
Ramses: My take is that in most relationships, women talk at least
50% more than a man, and the man usually does 50% more of the listening. In
other words, you state that therapeutic listening allows a spouse to "'get
things off their chest'", with "the emphasis on understanding the
other person", but how do you think more women can apply that when they
listen to a man without cutting them off in mid-sentence and possibly leading
to an argument? (Feel free to state things linking to your other articles to
emphasize your points).
Eric: I believe that more women can apply therapeutic listening, by
focusing more on what men say, rather than by interrupting the men, when they
conjure up a response before the men finish their statement(s).
Moreover, the men should also allow women to express themselves without
interruption as well. Any spouse will cut the other off, when they are
listening critically instead of listening therapeutically.
After reading a relationship expert’s blog, I put it together that top marriage relationship failures are sometimes linked to spouse’s personal history and experiences. Being faithfully committed involves has two major parts, preparation and practice. Everyone wants to be in a relationship but involves themselves in little or no self-preparation and hence no practice.
Preparation takes place before the undergoing of that new marriage relationship. This means taking the time to fix yourself of the things which may bother you if your spouse had that issue. These are known as character red flags. They serve as notice to avoid a possibly failing relationship. Whatever values or expectations we have for a good spouse should reflect in how we prepare before meeting him/her. At the end of the post you will see how preparing beforehand helped me a lot. Not to prepare with extraordinarily high expectations he/she may have for you. I’m thinking more along the lines, honest, integrity, faithful, ambitious, patient.
I had to prepare myself mentally, physically and spiritually for my wife. Mentally I had to be trained on how to direct all my love and affection to my wife. Sense I had old connections via Facebook with some ex’s; I had to delete my page. This may sound unnecessary but this is what influenced my mind and redirected my passions to my wife. Now I have no chance to contemplate entertaining conversation with any other women of my wild history. Physically I prepared by removing myself from places and not doing certain things that didn’t suggest a smooth process into a healthy marriage life. Spiritually I prepared by involving myself in a closer relationship with God. Had I not prepared, my wife tells me today, “Eric, I probably wouldn’t have noticed you as a candidate to date nor marry”.
